Shame is theirs
You are the baby me, the baby I once was. New-born, small. I am writing to you down the years, knowing what I know now about your life to come.
And I know, I’m sorry about the name, but this was the pet name for you before you were born as you were a Twinkle in your father’s eye, he had such plans for you.
As you grow, my little one, you will sadly face more monsters than any child should meet, and they won’t be the imaginary type that hide under your bed. They are real, and they need to be stopped.
You have a great “gut instinct”, Twinkle, and you will know that the first monster is a wrong one. You will survive his abuse by blacking out what he does to you for many years - in fact, for over 30 years.
Believe in yourself, little one, because you are far stronger than you think. If something is wrong, then, it is wrong, and you shout at the top of your lungs about it. Do not believe that you are not worthy, that you are at fault, that you are not pretty or feminine. Do not feel shame. The shame is not yours Twinkle, the shame is theirs and theirs alone. The shame also belongs to the mother who doesn’t protect you and the others who, over the years, do not believe you.
There are tears running down my face right now as I write this letter to you because I know that even though I am writing this, it will not change what is going to happen to you. I hate that I cannot stop it all, I hate that you become sick and disabled.
On the other side of the coin, from where I am now, I can see your children and grand-baby. Once the children have grown up, you will be able to look at them and pat yourself on the back. You have done a wonderful job. Okay, there will be plenty of challenges and you will feel plenty of guilt about the childhood that you give them and the men you choose as their fathers. But as I have said they will be fine. They will be compassionate and kind and well able to take on the world in the full knowledge that you will always be there for them - unlike your own mother.
All that said, my advice to you knowing what I do now would be: learn to be kinder to yourself way earlier. Learn to trust your gut, learn to use your voice for good and most of all keep up the good fight. You are well worth the fight. You are a warrior and an inspiration to others.
Love you Twinkle